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Diego has a way of getting to me in the mornings... he's chronically late, a quality that just drives me crazy. This morning was no exception.
I've started tallying minutes that Diego wastes, writing the total on our fridge board and making him go to bed that many minutes early. He even decided he would try to write the minutes himself this morning; he obviously knows how to write the number 30... yet another way he pushed my buttons.
By the time we loaded his stuff into the car, he knew I was ready to blow a gasket. I was so frazzled I turned the wrong way out of the driveway.
I'm not sure where Diego thought I was taking him when he asked, "What's this way, Mom?" I responded with, "My mind."
Of course he didn't get it (one of those FAS moments) and a lengthy conversation ensued about why I had turned the wrong way and had to turn around in a neighbor's driveway.
Did I mention it is only Monday?
I received a call from my grandmother yesterday morning. Her message was spoken through tears and heartbreak. Her oldest son, David, died the night before from an aneurism. As we spoke later that day, she shared some of her recent memories of Dave with me. She assured me that David knew the Lord and he is in His presence today.
Death has a profound way of making me think about people I know and who cross my path each day who do not know Christ. See, until my grandmother told me Dave was saved, I wouldn't have known that, I never asked him about eternity. I didn't really have a relationship with him.
I can count on one hand the number of times throughout my life that I've met Dave face-to-face.
I don't really remember seeing him until my grandparent's fiftieth wedding anniversary party many years ago. He sat between my mother and me and held our hands at my father's funeral 12 years ago, I hugged him at my grandfather's funeral a couple of years later. He flew here 2 years ago from Tennessee for my mother's funeral and watched over my sisters and me to make sure we were being cared for. He even spoke highly of "the girls" to someone who was a stranger to him in a strange place; that person knew me and later shared his kind words.
I knew of him, I even knew his phone number, email address and where he lived. But that's just information. It made me think about how there are other people in my life with whom I have the same type of relationship. I think of the urgency with which I need to build a relationship to the point of asking if someone knows where they will spend eternity. Because everyone is going to die and everyone will spend forever someplace. I want to know that people I have relationships with are going to be spending their eternity with Christ.
This weekend at my church our pastor will be talking about heaven and hell. It's a lesson you won't want to miss if you're within driving distance of Adrian, MI. I'm inviting you and I'm asking you, do you know where you'll spend eternity? Make sure you do because you never know when you will be taken there.
Wow, what a weekend!
The weather was perfect, the bride was beautiful, the music was incredible, the ceremony was short and sweet. What more could you ask for?
Well, I, for one, could ask for a more personable photographer. I refuse to stoop to her level or allow her to ruin my experience with this wedding. But I certainly won't recommend her to any of my clients. Too bad. She's pretty good at what she does, she just seriously needs to get a personality.
I am eager to get going on my next wedding and it's going to be great!
This weekend is my first 'official' wedding event; it's going to be so much fun!
Several people have told me they wouldn't do weddings for anything and ask me why I would consider going into this line of work. On the other hand, I've been surprised by the number of people who have told me doing weddings would be their dream job (dream, not nightmare!).The most common question I hear is, "Oh, like the movie, The Wedding Planner?" No, not like the movie. Do I look like J-Lo? Is the groom Matthew what's-his-name? No, no.
I've heard horror stories of the evil "Bride-zilla" or wicked MOB (mother of the bride). Or how about the fainting groomsman... oh wait, that was in my wedding :)
I'd like to thank you for your antecdotes but bear in mind, movies and TV really do not do this job justice.
See, this isn't my first wedding event, it's my first since receiving my certification as a Wedding and Event Consultant. My prior experience has even allowed me to once be called a "Wedding Boss" by a bridesmaid who thought she was in charge. Imagine that, a bridesmaid who thought she was in charge!
We're ready for this wedding. It's going to be a great time with or without remarkable stories to tell later. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was walking down the frozen food aisle this morning doing my usual Monday morning grocery routine at the local Wal-Mart. No one else was in the frozen section; the place was empty. I thought it strange when I saw that the lights weren't on in the cases.
Until... they started coming on as I pushed my cart down the aisle. Approaching each case, the lights flickered on. How cool is that? Must be Wal-Mart is conserving energy, or trying to freak me out.
Like a little kid, I couldn't resist turning to look over my shoulder to see if the lights were going out when I was half way down the aisle...they weren't off yet! I didn't want to look as foolish as I felt so I didn't stand at the end of the aisle waiting to see how long before the lights would go off.
I came home and checked my email to find a daily devotional from Proverbs 31 Ministries; the verse of the day is Psalm 139:5 "You both precede me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on me."
Okay, so maybe you'll think this is a stretch but again I ask, how cool is that? I thought immediately of my experience with the lights in the frozen food cases. I'm a visual person; it was like God had provided a visual foreshadowing for my reading this verse today!
There He was in a simple thing like lights; going on before me, staying on after me. I didn't understand the lights and there are lots of times I don't understand God's ways either. All I need to do is trust that He's ahead of me, behind me, all around me, with His hand of blessing on me.
I encourage you to look for the blessings in front of you and behind you today!
So, it's Sunday and we typically do some sort of fast food for lunch after church. Today's choice was McDonald's for Diego (what's new?) and Arby's for Joe and me.
Funny thing is, we ordered at Arby's drive-thru and pulled around to the "Please Pay Here" window. Joe had the correct change and placed it on the tray. The cashier pulled the tray in, placed our food on the tray and pushed it back toward the car. As she did so, she told Joe to be sure to take his change; she had given him the "Senior Discount".
I've called Joe my "Old Man" before, he plays a grandfather in our church's family worship experience and his hair is admittedly a bit on the whiter than darker side these days. But I found it hilarious that he was given the Senior Discount for lunch! What's next an AARP card?
Joe wasn't thrilled that he was taken for a much older man; he even failed to see the humor in me laughing about it all the way home...I guess the sense of humor is one of the first things to go!
Diego has FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) but also has many autistic tendencies. My sister who works with handicapped adults sent the following article to me last week. I find Diego in nearly every numbered item. He's such a cool kid, we are blessed to call him our son.
10 things every person with autism wishes you knew.
1. I am a person with autism. I am not "autistic." My autism is one aspect of my total character. It does not define me as a person. Are you a person with thoughts, feelings and many talents, or are you just fat (overweight), myopic (wear glasses) or klutzy (uncoordinated, not good at sports)?
2. My sensory perceptions are disordered. This means the ordinary sights, sounds, smells, tastes and touches of everyday life that you may not even notice can be downright painful for me. The very environment in which I have to live often seems hostile. I may appear withdrawn or belligerent to you, but I am really just trying to defend myself. A "simple" trip to the grocery store may be hell for me. My hearing may be hyper-acute. Dozens of people are talking at once. The loudspeaker booms today's special. Muzak whines from the sound system. Cash registers beep and cough. A coffee grinder is chugging. The meat cutter screeches, babies wail, carts creak, the fluorescent lighting hums. My brain can't filter all the input, and I'm in overload! My sense of smell may be highly sensitive. The fish at the meat counter isn't quite fresh, the guy standing next to us hasn't showered today, the deli is handing out sausage samples, and they’re mopping up pickles on Aisle 3 with ammonia. ... I can't sort it all out, I'm too nauseous.
Because I am visually oriented, this may be my first sense to become over-stimulated. The fluorescent light is too bright. It makes the room pulsate and hurts my eyes. Sometimes the pulsating light bounces off everything and distorts what I am seeing. The space seems to be constantly changing. There's glare from windows, moving fans on the ceiling, so many bodies in constant motion, too many items for me to be able to focus - and I may compensate with tunnel vision. All this affects my vestibular sense, and now I can't even tell where my body is in space. I may stumble, bump into things, or simply lay down to try and regroup.
3. Please remember to distinguish between won't (I choose not to) and can't (I'm not able to). Receptive and expressive language are both difficult for me. It isn't that I don't listen to instructions. It's that I can't understand you. When you call to me from across the room, this is what I hear: "*&^%$#@, Billy. #$%^*&^%$&*" Instead, come speak directly to me in plain words: "Please put your book on the shelf, Bill. It's time to go to lunch." This tells me what you want me to do and what is going to happen next. Now it's much easier for me to comply.
4. I am a concrete thinker. I interpret language literally. It's very confusing for me when you say, "Hold your horses, cowboy!" when what you really mean is "Please stop running." Don't tell me something is a "piece of cake" when there is no dessert in sight and what you really mean is, "This will be easy for you to do." When you say, "It's pouring cats and dogs," I see pets coming out of a pitcher. Please just tell me, "It's raining very hard." Idioms, puns, nuances, double entendres and sarcasm are lost on me.
5. Be patient with my limited vocabulary. It's hard for me to tell you what I need when I don't know the words to describe my feelings. I may be hungry, frustrated, frightened or confused, but right now those words are beyond my ability to express. Be alert for body language, withdrawal, agitation, or other signs that something is wrong.
There's a flip side to this: I may sound like a professor or a movie star, rattling off words or whole scripts well beyond my developmental age. These are messages I have memorized from the world around me to compensate for my language deficits, because I know I am expected to respond when spoken to. They may come from books, television or the speech of other people. It's called echolalia. I don't necessarily understand the context or the terminology I'm using; I just know it gets me off the hook for coming up with a reply.
6. Because language is so difficult for me, I am very visually oriented. Show me how to do something rather than just telling me. And please be prepared to show me many times. Lots of patient repetition helps me learn.
A visual schedule is extremely helpful as I move through my day. Like your day planner, it relieves me of the stress of having to remember what comes next, makes for smooth transitions between activities, and helps me manage my time and meet your expectations.
7. Focus and build on what I can do rather than what I can't do. Like any other human, I can't learn in an environment where I'm constantly made to feel that I'm not good enough or that I need fixing. Trying anything new when I am almost sure to be met with criticism, however constructive, becomes something to be avoided. Look for my strengths and you'll find them. There's more than one right way to do most things.
8. Help me with social interactions. It may look like I don't want to interact, but sometimes it's just that I simply don't know how to start a conversation. If you can encourage other others to invite me to join them, I may be delighted to be included.
9. Try to identify what triggers my meltdowns. This is termed "the antecedent." Meltdowns, blowups, tantrums or whatever you want to call them are even more horrid for me than they are for you. They occur because one or more of my senses has gone into overload. If you can figure out why my meltdowns occur, they can be prevented.
10. If you are a family member, please love me unconditionally. Banish thoughts such as, "If he would just ..." and "Why can't she ...?" You didn't fulfill every last expectation your parents had for you, and you wouldn't like being constantly reminded of it. I didn't choose to have autism. Remember that it's happening to me, not you. Without your support, my chances of successful, self-reliant adulthood are slim. With your support and guidance, the possibilities are broader than you might think. I promise you I'm worth it.
It all comes down to three words: Patience. Patience. Patience.
Work to view my autism as a different ability rather than a disability. Look past what you may see as limitations and see the gifts autism has given me. I may not be good at eye contact or conversation, but have you noticed I don't lie, cheat at games, tattle on my classmates, or pass judgment on other people?
You are my foundation. Think through some of those societal rules, and if they don't make sense for me, let them go. Be my advocate, be my friend, and we'll see just how far I can go.
I probably won't be the next Michael Jordan, but with my attention to fine detail and capacity for extraordinary focus, I might be the next Einstein. Or Mozart. Or Van Gogh.
They had autism too.
Adapted from the works of Ellen Notbohm. Freelance writer and consultant Ellen Notbohm is a columnist for Autism/Asperger's Digest and co-author of 1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and Raising Children With Autism Spectrum Disorders (Future Horizons). She favors "common sense" approaches to raising her sons with autism and AD/HD. She lives in Oregon.
I recently read a blog posting by Holly Furtick, a pastor's wife in Charlotte, NC. Holly wrote about her son being a parrot for anything she says, even the bad stuff.I also have a friend who wrote about her daughter being a sponge and picking up all kinds of things she would say.
Well, I have this habit lately of saying, "Ya think?" when someone states the obvious. I didn't realize how much I used the phrase until this morning at 8 a.m. when I was trying to convince Diego that we should have been downstairs eating breakfast by then. He turned to me and said, "Ya think?" Yes, wise child, I think.
I think I need to watch those phrases that roll around my head and not let them spill out so frequently.
I think I need to develop a "Ya Think" jar, kind of like the "Cussing Jar" I heard about from a friend who was trying to stop swearing. (He would put a quarter in the jar every time he swore and he made anyone else in the house pay if they happened to have a slip of the tongue.)
I think this child is responsible for the gray hair I keep finding.
I think it's time to close this posting.
The last word is something I have always believed I need to have. I have long struggled with that issue. If either of my parents were alive to agree, they would. I know my sisters and husband are nodding in agreement at this very moment.
Even though Diego is adopted he has somehow 'inherited' the last word gene from me. The child absolutely has to have the last word. He doesn't even realize he's doing it but he does seem to gain pleasure from watching my blood pressure rise and pushing me to my limit.
I try to not show him my frustration but usually end up telling him it's best to be quiet before "I pull this car over" or "make him sit in time out" or some other motherly threat that I know he isn't falling for.
At times like this I find some of the last words my own mother gave me echoing in my head: "I hope someday you have a child who acts just like you." Hmmmm... What did she know that I don't? Could she see into the future or something?
I can at least have the last word here, in my blog where I can say whatever I want and that's that.... well, unless someone posts a comment...
Well, it's Monday and I am finally turning a page on technology and starting to blog. I think the reason I've waited so long to get started is because I didn't think I had anything much to say. I still am not sure what I'll write about but look, there are almost 3 whole lines already and I haven't said anything substantial!
So, this morning was back to routine with school and my usual 'day-off' from work. Of course, Diego wasn't in the mood to go to school but he did finally get ready and we were out the door.
A little bit about Diego... he is an 8 year old, beautiful little boy with FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome, I'll write more about FAS another time). He is my wonder child. He has defied many of the odds from a diagnostic point of view and amazes me with his brilliance. He has his moments though.
Like yesterday when my family was seated at our table for Easter dinner. Diego announced the difference in body parts between a boy and girl. Okay, so what is a mother to do? I shot a look at Joe and lost it. We were both trying to keep a straight face while explaining appropriate dinner table conversation topics.
One of my favorite phrases has become, "A true FAS moment". That was truly an FAS moment!
One of my favorite 'reminder' verses at times like this is: "I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him." (1 Samuel 1:27)
I'm not sure what the next moment will bring with this child but I know it will definitely bring a smile if not a laugh!
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