I've Got Mail!

The thought struck me today as I was deleting some 372 junk emails that if I were to take advantage of all those 'wonderful' offers I'd:
25) Have warranties extended on everything from my TV, floor, car & possibly even toilets if only I cared to.
24) Be able to get overnight prints. For what?
23) Have a match made in heaven.... already have one :)
22) Look healthy for longer - really?
21) Be in a faith dating relationship (again, refer to number 3)
20) Get definition - whatever that means.
19) I could have a job, no scratch that, a career as a home business consultant.
18) Purchase all the Acai super food I could ever eat, store or throw away.
17) Be an insider in the EBay business.
16) Have so many platinum credit cards I could cover the entire outside of my house - twice.
15) Avoid bankruptcy... don't think I need to work at that one.
14) Buy a cheap home, find a foreclosed home and maybe purchase them using PayPal.
13) Have the lawn that all the neighbors would envy... like my husband needs more outside work.
12) Feel light, look trim and enjoy more energy with something called Dual Action Cleanse - not going there.
11) Get beautiful toes and pretty feet.
10) Avail myself to all sorts of medical breakthroughs.
9) Join all the other millionaires who have opened and/or reserved their account with the Bank of Montreal, Russia,
Boogleiwooglieland, etc....
8) Find all those classmates who never really cared about me, nor I them.
7) Purchase hundreds of Dell computers to send to Third World countries... yeah.
6) Get a radiant smile :) will that do?
5) Go to Costa Rica - maybe to take those computers?
4) Get 'ripped'
3) Enjoy a life-changing moment. If it's going to be life-changing it should last for eternity. I'm just saying.
2) Erase my wrinkles - those are laugh lines.

...And the number one chuckle in my junk file:

Meet a "Gas Fairy" who will give me free gas for life - are you kidding me?!?